Life provides unfortunate, inconvenient events sometimes, which occasionally spur us to reconnect with old flames.
My grandmother passed away last month, followed a few weeks later by one of my dogs. I'm not a mastered agent when it comes to grappling with death; I don't handle loss well, and most of my emotions have a tendency to root into everything/one around me. I never had a chance to say goodbye to either of them. I'm relieved for that. I struggle with words on a daily basis, but to try and piece together the very last ones they'll remember me by? That sort of labour could very well isolate me from recovery.
Today, I feel okay. Better than okay! I have a little over a month left here, and while I'm going to miss the flare of city life, it's exciting to return "home" to see my family again. I have some really good friends I haven't seen since we were in high school together, and my siblings especially have changed. I'm really looking forward to meeting their new selves!
But in the midst of this anticipation, I also remember that there's two very important pieces I no longer have. Death is an unwanted visitor--unplanned, unceremonious in their arrival, and what's left behind is always a mess in our hearts. These days, it's not really a matter of how I'm
feeling. I've taught myself over the years that despite how low I've reached, I have sturdy legs and fervent arms to pull myself above the ground. I leap to fly. When I'm caught, I eagerly search for another approach. Not everyone's like that, and it was ignorance I wore for a long, long time that led me to disregard feelings like my mother's, a woman who's certainly impressed me with her unmatched ability to save face and pull herself together. I can't say I know how my little brothers and sister feel, but I think the weight of loss bears more strongly with them. Distance was a safe coat for me; I didn't witness the cancer peeling my grandmother's sanity from her, nor the tumour that eventually dragged away my dog's last breaths. I'm really, really
lucky for that privilege.
My apologies! This wasn't supposed to be a solemn post. I guess the feelings needed to work themselves out, because I do feel a little calm now that I've written my piece on the matter.
On to better things! I know my presence has been wary on dA, so here's to me fixing that! There's a cauldron-ful of ideas I've been brewing the past few months, and I'd like to see them take some sort of form.
- No Prey, No Pay: Several times I've debated whether I should pause and rewrite this story, or simply start anew; however, I've decided it's best to continue, considering how many people have invested in it over the years. It would feel great on my part to watch it reach completion, and should the energy and time warrant me the chance to rewrite it, that could be a fun project for the future! Besides, the next chapter is half-way done! There's an update on the horizon.
- Bane Story: This one, however, will be rewritten. I started it during a hype without a fully constructed plot to support it, and there's no way I can continue it as is. I'll leave up the old chapters for those who enjoyed it/may prefer it over the new direction the story will take, but another fic with the same OC (but slightly altered premise) will arise soon!
- Wolf's Rain: Gaaaaah, Wolf's Rain has been my favourite anime since I was 12!! I was originally hoping to finish a piece for a dA contest, but regretfully, time constraints halted that. In lieu of a one-shot, though, I've decided to construct a very old plot idea I've been sitting with for about as long as I've been rewatching the anime. I'm really excited to bring it to fruition! There's been a number of occasions where I've thought "this is it, this is the AU/setting/intro that's going to kick us off", and each time, the story's flopped because of my own indecisiveness. Not this friggen frackle time. I've scheduled a rewatch of the series this weekend, after which I'll create a detailed plot list, and finally finally finally manage a story worth writing! And for those of you who haven't seen Wolf's Rain yet, YOU REALLY DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE MISSING!! I NEED SOMEONE TO SOB WITH ME OVER TSUME, AND TOE-BOY, AND HIGE, AND THAT LITTLE FUSSY-PANTS KIBA! Please, please go watch the 30 episodes (four of which are recapped ones that you can totally skip over--'cept Tsume's because his perspective is always best) and bask in the greatness of this classic! I have endless, limitless, relentless love for Wolf's Rain!
- Unnamed: This one I'm still debating over whether I'll post on dA, or simply create a new account to host it. It's a story that wraps around Greek mythology, but with a delicious fandom taste. Of course, it's not the normal slice of what I write (anime/manga/comics/book fics), so I'm hesitant to bridge something different. @_@ I know, I know, what's the point on bringing it up then? I'm hoping this will shove me into finally making a decision.
I've written so much here, when all I wanted to do was say "hi, I'm here and thinking of you all". I'm a hassle to myself. ;w;
Here's loving everyone with the force of a thousand suns!! AND DON'T FORGET TO WATCH WOLF'S RAIN! (ღ˘⌣˘ღ)